13 February 2025

“I have already said that for three whole days I was tormented with anxiety until I guessed the reason for it”- Dostoyevski

I was feeling so good this morning. I started the day by listening to AC/DC. Sometimes, I have so much energy that I even listen to metal. This was one of those mornings. Then, I decided to wear white and be as colorful as possible.

I stepped outside and realised that was rainy and gloomy and dark and depressing. I immediately returned back to my room. I changed to black as possible and headed to outside.

I sensed that my mood had changed instantly.

Then I got my black coffee and croissant as usual. I sat on a comfy chair. I could see the raindrops on the top glass. Every parameter was perfect to read some depressing Dostoyevski. Even though I started the day with hope, I was pulling strongly to the dark side.

I started to read White Nights by Dostoyevski. The words strangely made me feel so familiar after a couple of pages. I could feel them. The words were resonating in my mind.

10/02/2025

Osman Kerem